jokes in english

[csocsike]

[Boszi]

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked
>this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say
>I'm a lawyer."
>
>So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said
>"No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a
>case early in the morning.
>
>She said, "Oh, your a lawyer?"
>
>He said, "Why yes I am!"
>
>So they went to his place and when they were in bed being intimate, he
>started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny he
>answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already
>screwing someone!"

[karibcsaj]

jaj :P


en nem tok angolul jo vicceket

[Boszi]

hat mond az anyanyelvunkon kisanyam :P

[Spanky]

"Little Johnny Is At It Again"

A third grade teacher asked her students to use the word
"fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly said. "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw
all the animals.
It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the
word "fascinate".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Statue of
Liberty and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the
word 'fascinate.'"

Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was
noted for his bad language.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."

The teacher fainted..........!!!

[incognito]

[elinnen]

wood joke.
-crack

[Boszi]

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time
they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured
she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they
were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on
the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a
battery-operated pleasure device...a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and
larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent
bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of
these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll
explain the toy...you explain the kids."

[elinnen]

cool

[Boszi]

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because " Mad Cow Disease" was taken. --Unknown, presumed dead.

"If you copy from one author it's plagiarism. If you copy from two, it's research." - Wilson Mizner -

"Rocks are smarter than cats because rocks have the sense to go away when you kick them." - Zenon Pylyshyn -



You might be po'white trash if....

1) You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk

You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.

11) You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

15) Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."

20) You've ever financed a tattoo.

23) You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.

30) Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.

35) You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.