For those of you who are less knowledgeable about the Internet - or still entertain some illusions...
1. Nobody in the whole wide world will ever track any of your e-mails across the world to pay 1 cent per recipient to a 52 year old blind boy in Alabama dying from ovarian cancer.
2. No bank or ANY other organization dealing with ANY portion of your money will EVER ask you in an e-mail to confirm or enter your password at the website they provide in their own e-mail. And if you are the client of an organization that actually does that, Internet scams are the least of your problems.
3. There are no beautiful nymphomaniacs living next door to you who are waiting to share their pictures/stories/movies/bodies free of charge, and only with you. Sorry.
4. Those ladies who "just saw you on the Internet" and want to "know more about you" to "share some of their fantasies"? They are fat, ugly guys who just pulled up your e-mail address from an old database on a $2 Taiwanese CD, and they want to know more about you because the fantasies they all share is to rob you blind.
5. There are no African/Asian/Bahamian/Thirdworldean bank accounts with billions of dollars whose owners have recently deceased and their managers want to give you 5% of the money in exchange of using your name for transfer. Oh, and sorry, but no, you did not win an iPod, Plasma TV, Dell Computer, Xbox, $500 Shopping Card, Airplane Ticket Cofirmation - or the British Lottery jackpot either. See the entries at 'robbing' and `blind' above.
6. There is no cream in the world, herbal or nuclear, that will make your schlong any schlonger. Or your boobs any boobier. Go to a plastic surgeon and mutilate yourself if you want those.
7. If you swallow any pill you ordered from a "confidential pharmacy" through the Internet, you might as well go out and suck on the sewer pipe of the public toilet at your friendly neighbourhood nuclear reactor plant. The latter is healthier, though.
8. Nobody wants to pay you to vote whether you like Yahoo or Google, Pepsi or Coke, This or That more. They want your e-mail address confirmed, so they can sell it to those fat, ugly guys who are (apparently) REALLY into sharing their fantasies.
9. Justin Timberlake may have gotten a real one, but the fake Rolex you buy through the Internet is so tacky and crappy you are lucky if it never arrives.
10. If you want to get off the list - don't click on `Get off This List'.
11. The CD you have just ordered with Adobe Photoshop is not "OEM" but "Pi Rate D", and it will cost you more than U$69.95 by the time they finished with your credit card - and defnitely more than the $5 it would cost you at your local flea market.
12. NOTHING will ever happen to you if you do not reply to or forward this e-mail.
NOTHING.
ZERO.
ZILCH.
NADA.
EVER.
If you want something to happen to you, you have to go out and... DO something.
1. Nobody in the whole wide world will ever track any of your e-mails across the world to pay 1 cent per recipient to a 52 year old blind boy in Alabama dying from ovarian cancer.
2. No bank or ANY other organization dealing with ANY portion of your money will EVER ask you in an e-mail to confirm or enter your password at the website they provide in their own e-mail. And if you are the client of an organization that actually does that, Internet scams are the least of your problems.
3. There are no beautiful nymphomaniacs living next door to you who are waiting to share their pictures/stories/movies/bodies free of charge, and only with you. Sorry.
4. Those ladies who "just saw you on the Internet" and want to "know more about you" to "share some of their fantasies"? They are fat, ugly guys who just pulled up your e-mail address from an old database on a $2 Taiwanese CD, and they want to know more about you because the fantasies they all share is to rob you blind.
5. There are no African/Asian/Bahamian/Thirdworldean bank accounts with billions of dollars whose owners have recently deceased and their managers want to give you 5% of the money in exchange of using your name for transfer. Oh, and sorry, but no, you did not win an iPod, Plasma TV, Dell Computer, Xbox, $500 Shopping Card, Airplane Ticket Cofirmation - or the British Lottery jackpot either. See the entries at 'robbing' and `blind' above.
6. There is no cream in the world, herbal or nuclear, that will make your schlong any schlonger. Or your boobs any boobier. Go to a plastic surgeon and mutilate yourself if you want those.
7. If you swallow any pill you ordered from a "confidential pharmacy" through the Internet, you might as well go out and suck on the sewer pipe of the public toilet at your friendly neighbourhood nuclear reactor plant. The latter is healthier, though.
8. Nobody wants to pay you to vote whether you like Yahoo or Google, Pepsi or Coke, This or That more. They want your e-mail address confirmed, so they can sell it to those fat, ugly guys who are (apparently) REALLY into sharing their fantasies.
9. Justin Timberlake may have gotten a real one, but the fake Rolex you buy through the Internet is so tacky and crappy you are lucky if it never arrives.
10. If you want to get off the list - don't click on `Get off This List'.
11. The CD you have just ordered with Adobe Photoshop is not "OEM" but "Pi Rate D", and it will cost you more than U$69.95 by the time they finished with your credit card - and defnitely more than the $5 it would cost you at your local flea market.
12. NOTHING will ever happen to you if you do not reply to or forward this e-mail.
NOTHING.
ZERO.
ZILCH.
NADA.
EVER.
If you want something to happen to you, you have to go out and... DO something.
