Joke

zolcsika témája a 'In English...' fórumban , 2007 Június 4.

  1. zolcsika

    zolcsika Állandó Tag

    :p
    Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. office A nurse noticed his predicament.<O:p></O:p>Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."<O:p></O:pHe did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.<O:p</O:p]Each button was identified by letters: office:smarttags" /p<ST1:place ><?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com[​IMG]WW</st1:City>, </ST1:p, PP, and a red one labeled <O:p</O:p
    Who would know if he touched them?<O:p></O:p>[He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.<O:p></O:p>What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.<O:p></O:p>]Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.<O:p></O:p>When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..<O:p></O:p The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.<O:p></O:p>[/When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.<O:p></O:p>Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.<O:p></O:p>What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I rem ember was pushing the ATR button.<O:p></O:p>"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."<O:p></O:p<O:p</O:p
     
    kerek-alma kedveli ezt.
  2. BloodyPsycho

    BloodyPsycho Új tag

    He he ...

    good one... i like it
     
  3. Koroknay Bela

    Koroknay Bela Vendég

    There was a swim meet with a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.They were swimming breaststroke in their competition.The redhead came in first but was neck to neck with the brunette the whole race.The brunette came in second and the blonde came in last but when she got out of the pool she said:"No fair! You used your arms!" :)

     
  4. Koroknay Bela

    Koroknay Bela Vendég

    A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the
    lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave," replied the lawyer.:)
     
  5. Koroknay Bela

    Koroknay Bela Vendég

    Q: Why is a modem better than a woman?
    A: A modem doesn't mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn't complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual. :)
     
  6. Lonestar

    Lonestar Állandó Tag

    - God! what is a million years for you?
    - Oh, just a minute.
    - And what is a million dollars for you?
    - Only one penny!
    -And can I have one penny?
    - Of course! Wait a minute:)
     
    maxx-pekines kedveli ezt.
  7. Koroknay Bela

    Koroknay Bela Vendég

    Patient:I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
    Doctor:You've had an accident involving a train.
    Patient:What happened?
    Doctor:Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
    Patient:Well...The bad news first...
    Doctor:Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
    Patient:That's terrible! What's the good news?
    Doctor:There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers. :)
     
  8. zolcsika

    zolcsika Állandó Tag

    Financial joke

    Be sure & cancel your credit cards before you die.

    This is so priceless and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

    A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now it's somewhere around $60.00.

    A family member placed a call to Citibank:

    Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you that she died in January."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed, and the late fees and charges still apply."

    Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."

    Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

    Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

    Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau--maybe both!"

    Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

    Citibank: "Excuse me?"

    Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?"

    Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor"

    Supervisor gets on the phone.

    Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed, and the late fees and charges still apply."

    Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    Citibank (stammer): "Are you her lawyer?"

    Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given.)

    Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

    Family Member: "Sure." (The fax number is given.)

    After they get the fax....

    Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

    Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

    Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

    Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

    Citibank: "That might help."

    Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

    Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

    Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?"

    What fun it is dealing with "customer service!"
     
    maxx-pekines kedveli ezt.
  9. bassman

    bassman Állandó Tag

    [FONT=times new roman,helvetica]BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

    WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

    BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.":)[/FONT]
     
    maxx-pekines kedveli ezt.
  10. bassman

    bassman Állandó Tag

    - Excuse me! Can you tell me, where is the other side?
    -It is over there, opposite us.
    - I'll be crazy! I have been sent here from there.
     
  11. zolcsika

    zolcsika Állandó Tag

    doctor

    :) A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

    As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"

    "Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
    "Correct," says the doctor.

    He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
    "Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

    "That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"

    "Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."
     
  12. slige

    slige Állandó Tag

    very funny all of you
     
  13. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    What kind of dance do you do on trampoline????
    Re.: Hip-hop!
     
  14. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    Why was tigger looking inside the toilet?
    Re.: He was looking for Phoo!!! :)))
     
  15. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    What is Tarjan 's favourite Christmas carol?
    Re.: Jungle Bells! :)))
     
  16. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    What do we call frosty the snowman in spring?
    Re.: A puddle!
     
  17. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    How do sheeps in spanish say Merry christmas ?
    Re.: Fleece Navidad. :)))
     
  18. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    What is the problem with twin witches?
    Re.: You can never tell which witch is whitch! A! A!
     
  19. sarahbzas

    sarahbzas Állandó Tag

    Why do witches need a computer?
    Re.: They need a spell check!
     
  20. Frank-FHI

    Frank-FHI Kormányos Kormányos

    AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659
    <O:p</O:p
    <O:p</O:p
    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.<O:p</O:p
    She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.<O:p</O:p
    She immediately moved to another seat.<O:p</O:p
    This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.<O:p</O:p
    The man seemed more amused.<O:p</O:p
    When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,<O:p</O:p
    She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.<O:p</O:p
    <O:p</O:p

    The case came up in court.<O:p</O:p
    The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)<O:p</O:p
    What he had to say for himself.<O:p</O:p
    <O:p</O:p

    The man replied,<O:p</O:p
    'Well your Honor, it was like this:<O:p</O:p
    When the lady got on the bus,<O:p</O:p
    I couldn't help but notice her condition.<O:p</O:p
    She sat down under a sign that said,<O:p</O:p
    'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.<O:p</O:p
    Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,<O:p</O:p
    'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.<O:p</O:p
    Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,<O:p</O:p
    'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.<O:p</O:p
    But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time<O:p</O:p
    And sat under a sign that said,<O:p</O:p
    'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'<O:p</O:p
    ... I just lost it.'<O:p</O:p
    <O:p</O:p

    'CASE DISMISSED!!'<O:p</O:p
    <O:p</O:p

    Now keep that smile on your face<O:p</O:p
     

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