# Hahalman's Facts of Life



## Hahalman (2007 Január 7)

For those of you who are less knowledgeable about the Internet - or still entertain some illusions... 

1. Nobody in the whole wide world will ever track any of your e-mails across the world to pay 1 cent per recipient to a 52 year old blind boy in Alabama dying from ovarian cancer.

2. No bank or ANY other organization dealing with ANY portion of your money will EVER ask you in an e-mail to confirm or enter your password at the website they provide in their own e-mail. And if you are the client of an organization that actually does that, Internet scams are the least of your problems.

3. There are no beautiful nymphomaniacs living next door to you who are waiting to share their pictures/stories/movies/bodies free of charge, and only with you. Sorry.

4. Those ladies who "just saw you on the Internet" and want to "know more about you" to "share some of their fantasies"? They are fat, ugly guys who just pulled up your e-mail address from an old database on a $2 Taiwanese CD, and they want to know more about you because the fantasies they all share is to rob you blind.

5. There are no African/Asian/Bahamian/Thirdworldean bank accounts with billions of dollars whose owners have recently deceased and their managers want to give you 5% of the money in exchange of using your name for transfer. Oh, and sorry, but no, you did not win an iPod, Plasma TV, Dell Computer, Xbox, $500 Shopping Card, Airplane Ticket Cofirmation - or the British Lottery jackpot either. See the entries at 'robbing' and `blind' above.

6. There is no cream in the world, herbal or nuclear, that will make your schlong any schlonger. Or your boobs any boobier. Go to a plastic surgeon and mutilate yourself if you want those.

7. If you swallow any pill you ordered from a "confidential pharmacy" through the Internet, you might as well go out and suck on the sewer pipe of the public toilet at your friendly neighbourhood nuclear reactor plant. The latter is healthier, though.

8. Nobody wants to pay you to vote whether you like Yahoo or Google, Pepsi or Coke, This or That more. They want your e-mail address confirmed, so they can sell it to those fat, ugly guys who are (apparently) REALLY into sharing their fantasies.

9. Justin Timberlake may have gotten a real one, but the fake Rolex you buy through the Internet is so tacky and crappy you are lucky if it never arrives.

10. If you want to get off the list - don't click on `Get off This List'. 

11. The CD you have just ordered with Adobe Photoshop is not "OEM" but "Pi Rate D", and it will cost you more than U$69.95 by the time they finished with your credit card - and defnitely more than the $5 it would cost you at your local flea market.

12. NOTHING will ever happen to you if you do not reply to or forward this e-mail. 
NOTHING. 
ZERO. 
ZILCH. 
NADA.

EVER.

If you want something to happen to you, you have to go out and... DO something.


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## oma (2007 Január 7)

NOTHING. 
ZERO. 
ZILCH. 
NADA.

EVER.

No paradise? No joy? NOTHING.... That's too bad!


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## E.Ágnes (2007 Január 7)

I've had a good laugh over this, thanks, Hahalman. Another must-read for all born (and bred) sceptics like me!


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## tekergo (2007 Január 7)

Hahalman írta:


> For those of you who are less knowledgeable about the Internet - or still entertain some illusions...
> 
> 1. Nobody in the whole wide world will ever track any of your e-mails across the world to pay 1 cent per recipient to a 52 year old blind boy in Alabama dying from ovarian cancer.
> 
> ...



Why to surf the net then??


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## E.Ágnes (2007 Január 7)

tekergo írta:


> Why to surf the net then??


 
Well, definitely not for buying trash. Surfing the web is OK, fooling around the web is not (unless you want to be caught by a spider). It's as simple as that!


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## Spanky (2007 Január 7)

> 3. There are no beautiful nymphomaniacs living next door to you who are waiting to share their pictures/stories/movies/bodies free of charge, and only with you. Sorry.


 
*OH MY GOD!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: *


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## E.Ágnes (2007 Január 7)

Oh, reality is soooo cruel, isn't it, Spanky...


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## Spanky (2007 Január 9)

E.Ágnes írta:


> Oh, reality is soooo cruel, isn't it, Spanky...


 
Oh well, I’ll get over it.  
<O</O
Yet, I must say, there are lots of lonely housewives out there in cyberspace, whom are convinced that I’m a professional underwear model for Calvin Kline.


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## klari (2007 Január 9)

Spanky írta:


> Oh well, I’ll get over it.
> <O</O
> Yet, I must say, there are lots of lonely housewives out there in cyberspace, whom are convinced that I’m a professional underwear model for Calvin Kline.


Why, Spanky? Whose picture have you been disseminating under your name?


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## Spanky (2007 Január 9)

klari írta:


> Why, Spanky? Whose picture have you been disseminating under your name?


 
The trick is, not to disseminate any pictures.  

Just keep them guessing. It drives them crazy.


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## E.Ágnes (2007 Január 9)

Spanky írta:


> The trick is, not to disseminate any pictures.
> 
> Just keep them guessing. It drives them crazy.


 
I wonder if women know this trick, too... are you sure they are "lonely housewives"? Maybe that's _their_ bit of deceit!!


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## Hahalman (2007 Január 10)

E.Ágnes írta:


> I wonder if women know this trick, too... are you sure they are "lonely housewives"? Maybe that's _their_ bit of deceit!!


 
For that matter: are you sure they are "women"?


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## E.Ágnes (2007 Január 10)

Hahalman írta:


> For that matter: are you sure they are "women"?


 
The turn of the screw...! Ah, yes, Spanky is probably keeping some fat, ugly men guessing!!


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## Spanky (2007 Január 10)

E.Ágnes írta:


> The turn of the screw...! Ah, yes, Spanky is probably keeping some fat, ugly men guessing!!


 
Well now, 
that is a frightening presumption. :shock:


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## Chiller (2007 December 18)

Hahalman írta:


> For those of you who are less knowledgeable about the Internet - or still entertain some illusions...
> 
> 1. Nobody in the whole wide world will ever track any of your e-mails across the world to pay 1 cent per recipient to a 52 year old blind boy in Alabama dying from ovarian cancer.
> 
> ...



Great Virtual Wisdom:-D


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## cartecredit1212 (2009 Augusztus 9)

it's the best post i've ever seen.. wonderful write up..
carte de credit​


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## dungdung23 (2011 Január 5)

haha so fun


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## Arnyek2011 (2011 Május 7)

Lol


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## Noodlesticks (2012 Január 14)

Yeah well, you can never know...;D


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## FLOUFUN (2012 Február 3)

Lots of laughs


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## burgum (2012 Május 24)

Some quotes (possibly the 5 best sentences I ever read):

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work
because the other half is going to take care of them;
and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work,
because somebody else is going to get what they work for,
that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

(Winston Churchill - reflections on socialism)


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## Sarkanyolo (2014 November 24)

Liked it


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